It's been a long and winding journey, but i'm finally here tonight

Time for a bit of literature (:
i miss studying it.

Inspired by the poem i saw xuan doing.

HAVISHAM Mean Time (1998)

Beloved sweetheart bastard. Not a day since
then I haven’t wished him dead. Prayed for it
so hard I’ve dark green pebbles for eyes,
ropes on the back of my hands I could strangle with.

Spinster. I stink and remember. Whole days
in bed cawing Nooooo at the wall; the dress
yellowing, trembling if I open the wardrobe;
the slewed mirror, full-length, her, myself, who did this


to me? Puce curses that are sounds not words.
Some nights better, the lost body over me,
my fluent tongue in its mouth in its ear
then down till I suddenly bite awake. Love’s


hate behind a white veil;
a red balloon bursting in my face. Bang. I stabbed at a wedding-cake.
Give me a male corpse for a long slow honeymoon.
Don’t think it’s only the heart that b-b-b-breaks.

This poem never fails to remind me how love can cause so much hurt to a person, much less change one self completely.

In this poem, the author begins by telling the reader of her troubles- her phrase-"beloved sweetheart" shows her love-hate relationshop towards the man who dumped her. (oxy-moron)
She tells us that she has prayed so hard (with eyes closed and hands pressed together) that her eyes have shrunk hard and her hands have sinews strong enough to strangle with - which fits her murderous wish for revenge. Miss Havisham is aware of her own stink - because she does not ever change her clothes nor wash. She stays in bed and screams in denial. At other times she looks and asks herself “who did this” to her? She sometimes dreams almost tenderly or erotically of her lost lover, but when she wakes the hatred and anger return. Thinking of how she “stabbed at the wedding cake” she now wants to work out her revenge on a “male corpse” - presumably that of her lover.

hatred is a scary thing :/
disappointment, and more disappointment?