Numb to my own emotions

Every day I feel like someone different. My life intertwines and the same people surround me day in and day out. But why do I always feel like I am an observant to my life? I float in the clouds above viewing what is going on, not really being a part of any of it. I feel lost. I feel alone. I feel like I've been left behind. I have a family. I have friends. Why am I alone? Who do I talk to? No one. Who do I laugh with? No One. Or rather, i dont see the meaning in the word happy anymore. I am invisible to the world around me, trying to find my place. Trying to fit into the puzzle of my world. Am I drowning? I cannot see. Have I fallen beneath the waters darkness? I feel a tremendous void and don't know how to break free of it. who am I? Why do I yell? Why do I feel afraid? I want to feel love, peace, comfort, joy. I want to share in the joys that the people around me have each day. Why can't I? Please free my soul from this pain. Please take my sorrow and emptiness from my heart. Please fill me with something, anything. I shake. I am alone. Why is my happiness gone? Where has it gone. I am so empty. I close my eyes and wait for this dream to end. Will tomorrow be a different day?

The pillars of time cast tall shadows over me as I trod along in this barren land. A cold northern wind is whipping my face as rain lashes across my bare skin. I've been walking this path for so long I cannot even remember where it began. I only wish I knew where it would end. My muscles scream at me to stop, to lie down and rest, my mind reels with a thousand empty questions. I'm battered and weary, my movement is swaying and fumbled, I can hardly stand upright, but yet I press onward. Whatever it was that I set out to search for so long ago, has turned to dust by now, but still it scrapes at the back of my mind like a jagged stone.Echoes of my past endeavors ring throughout these cavernous wastelands and their phantoms haunt every shadow that creeps along behind me. I feel liquid slowly trickling from every pore, I'm bleeding, but it doesn't bother me. Why should it? I've been bleeding for a long time. It never stops, the wounds never close. With each dawning of a new day comes another ruthless beating. Cleaving fresh holes and re-opening the old ones.The sky grows darker with each setting of the sun, and never lightens again with it's rising. My thoughts are broken and hollow, the insides of my head pour out like melting snow. But something still calls to me and reminds me that I must keep moving forward. No matter how much of my life is ripped from me, I must keep moving forward. but its easier said than done. i want to & i could before, but not now. my head feels giddy at the slightest thing, my stomach rebells against me, threatening to vomit every food out. i no longer have the slightest appetite to eat anymore, not anymore. even the pizza i am eating now may just come out again. food, which used to be one of things that made me happy is no longer working. my stomach refuses to accept it.

i'm sorry. one emotion that i used to have is now gone away as well, well at least it has just gone now. I reached that milestone just now when I got back my physics paper just now unable to breathe, numb to my feelings.I couldnt cry, couldnt feel anything. i didnt have anyone to blame except myself & now as i am typing this, my hands are feeling numb too. its losing its power. I thought that I had these under control. I thought that I was able to keep them surpressed.but no, its shivering. my dreams are all shattered now. but then, i shoudnt have hoped so much. because more hope comes this doesnt it? So, now i sit here not able to type any longer. cos my hands has given up on me as well.